Couples Conflict exists for most people because we have a strong emotional connection with those we love. Couples conflict can actually be healthy if a couple works through the problem and are respectful of one another when trying to resolve the conflict.
Women and men respond to couples conflict in different ways. Women are more direct than men and want to address the conflict. Men are more likely than women to withdraw from conflict. They withdraw more when women try to get them to talk about the issue or problem. Women have a tendency to be concerned with the emotional aspect of the relationship and are more critical when addressing conflict.
Here are some things that cause miscommunication:
- Not listening and interupting your partner is one way to tell the person you are not listening.
- Not focusing on the problem that needs to be addressed. Some people try and bring in all of the problems the couple ever had to avoid the original issue. Other people try to change the subject so that they don’t have to focus on the problem.
- Assuming that our partner can read your mind. Your partner will not know how we feel unless we let him or her know.
- Insulting or finding fault with everything your partner brings up as a solution doesn’t work very well. You must be willing to create win win solutions together.
- Withdrawing from the conversation
- Being aggressive or defensive
Resolving conflicts can be done in a calm and constructive way. Some good strategies to use when resolving conflict include:
- Using active listening skills. When you are willing to listen first, your partner is more willing to listen to you when it is your turn to talk.
- Acknowledge the other person’s feelings. For example, “You sound upset.”
- Check to make sure what you heard is what the other person is saying. For example, “Am I hearing you correctly, that you would like to spend more time with your children?” The other person then has the opportunity to repeat what they said if you did not hear correctly.
- “I” statements are less offensive to the other person. For example instead of saying, “You never make time for me after work,” say, “I would like to spend more time with you. I miss you during the day and look forward to connecting with you. Can we think of ways we can connect more often after you come home from work?”
I hope these quick tips can help you communicate better with your partner. Feel free to contact me if you have a question about how to resolve couples conflict!
